JLA Answering Machine
by Mr. BramStoker
Summary: Have yourself a power packed barrel of laughs when you hear the randomly wacky calls that come and go in the JLA answering machine!
1. Chapter 1

_You have 119 unanswered messages._  
 _  
_

 **Beep**

 ****

 _Hi! It's Huntress. I was wondering if you could cover my shift later tonight, I got to babysit my niece._

 __

 **Beep**

 ****

 _Hey! It's me, Dick. When are you gonna install that bathroom lock? I'm really sick and tired of having to get up at 3 AM to pry Jason from the medicine cabinet. If this keeps up, I'm gonna lose it._

 __

 **Beep**

 ****

 _Batman here. Robin's been suspended from use of the Internet for 3 weeks. Also please tell him no, I will_ _ **NOT**_ _let him go to this silly Comic Con thing!_

 __

 **Beep**

 ****

 _Hi, its Lois! Listen, I know this party's been planned for tonight, but I cant make it. Perry's in the hospital again, he's getting his prostate checked. I know, it's the fourteenth time but I really gotta finish before Super Bowl Sunday._

 __

 **Beep**

 ****

 _This is AAAMCO Power Company. We're curious about these... checks for maintenance on the heat register. Are you and your loved ones okay in there?_

 __

 **Beep**

 ****

 _Lucius Fox here. Wondering if you were coming to work Monday._

 __

 **Beep**

 ****

 _Sinestro here. Could someone_ _ **PLEASE**_ _tell Booster Gold no I'm not Vincent Price!_

 __

 **Beep**

 ****

 _FIIIIIRE! Fire fire burning bright! Why do your eyes shine in the night?_


	2. Chapter 2

Hello. This is Jehovah's Witnesses. Have you gotten our flyers yet?

This is the Insurance Revenue Services. Please check your bills or we'll repossess everything

Hey its Roman again. My gas bill is missing. I swear I had it on my desk when I went to bed.

This is the Water Department. You havent paid your bills in weeks. Pay up or else

Remember, Jehovah loves you

I really need that gas bill. If the schmo who took it doesnt fess up in 2 minutes, things are gonna get messy.

Ok, who the hell tried calling me for a good time while I was in the shower?! Wally if this is one ofyour little pranks again, you'll be the fastest dead man

Can someone please tell Croc to stop playing Louis Armstrong? It was cool yesterday but now its driving everyone nuts. I think I saw Robin trying to stick his head in the gas oven.

THE PERSON WHO DOESNT GIVE ME MY GAS BILL IN 1 MINUTE IS GONNA GET A BULLET IN THE AREA WHERE THE SUN DOESNT SHINE

Can I please drop Tim in the reactor? Please?

YAAAYYY IM SUPERNUDEMAN!

Who's the wiseguy who convinced Clark to be a nudist?!


	3. Chapter 3

Hey its Hal. Can someone please tell Kara to turn the TV volume down? Shes playing those Disney singalong videos again and well... lets just say Bruce has a very colorful potty mouth

Hi, its me Iris. I'm stuck in a 13 car pileup accident and I dont think I can make it to Bart's bar mitzvah

Alex here. I'm really getting ticked with these for a good time sex calls. I swear, when I find Wally I'm gonna kick him square in the babymaker

Will the person who ordered over 999 flamethrower fuel canisters PLEASE stand up?

Its Ivy. Lynns is now banned from all my greenhouses. If I catch him near my babies I'll make Firefly mulch

Hal again. Can anyone please help? Kara's been rewinding that silly Spoonful of Sugar for hours.

Roman here. If anyone isnt busy I want those flamethrower fuel tanks out of here now!

Burn burn burn burn BUUUURRRRRNNNN

Hey its Barbara. Lynns is now banned from all public libraries. Apparently he was arrested for burning all the books saying he was doing a service to Fahrenheit 451

Hal again. Its all taken care of. I think Kara fell asleep

...And now shes watching SpongeBob. Great.

WHY THE F*** IS IT SO HOT IN HERE?! LYNNS IF YOU DONT FIX THIS YOURE GONNA BE A HUMAN POPSICLE


	4. Chapter 4

Hey its Linda. Listen, I need some help. Wally's stuck in the men's room and the security guards are doing a conga beat naked. If anyone gets this message, please come help me

Who keeps calling and asking for the latest copy of Jehovah's Witness? I'm seriously thinking this is a crank call

WHO TOOK MY GUMBO FLAMBE?! WHEN I FIND THE THIEF I WILL SNAP HIS NECK LIKE A STALE BAGUETTE

*slurred yodeling noises*

WHERE ARE MY FIREWORKS?! AND WHOS THE HERETIC WHO TOOK MY LIGHTERS AND FLAMETHROWERS?!

Hey its Hal. Can someone **please** tell Croc to stop the screaming? Also if anyone actually **does** have the gumbo... bring it to him. **Quickly**.

Hey its Dick. Kori's chasing a Corvette barking like a dog. Did someone spike her medicine again?

Seriously give Croc the flambe. You do not i repeat do **NOT** want to see Croc when hes angry.


	5. Annoyed Answering Machine Messages

_You have_ forty six _missed calls_

**Beep**

Okay, who gave Krypto hot coffee? You **know** that makes him go crazy, right? Seriously, when I find who did this, he'll be laughing out the other side of his face!

 **Beep**

Ok, so Wally's out of the elevator thank goodness. But **now** he's somehow got his head glued to the ceiling of the living room! It was funny for a while, but I'll say this: Seeing a man I've been married to for 8 years wailing like a pig  
is really **really** pathetic.

 **Beep**

Ok, who's the smartass who changed my ingredients for tonights jambalaya?!

 **Beep**

This is the Metropolis Water Department. It seems you have quite an outstanding bill

 **Beep**

This is AAMCO. Fork over the moolah or we turn your lights off for good

 **Beep**

Can someone please tell Jason to quit locking himself in the bathroom?! Seriously! Last time, I got some weird looks from our neighbors.

 **Beep**

ShopMart here. We've made this call to inform you that for the one hundredth time, no we do **not** sell crowbars!

 **Beep**

WHERE IS MY JAMBALAYA?!


End file.
